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only make sense out of our temporal experience but also to change our understanding of how negative emotions and limiting decisions affect us as well as describing how to create a meaningful future for all time to come because with Time Line Therapy we now understand the human temporal experience and can change the basic elements that make up someone's history
Since 1988 thousands of people have been affected by the techniques of Time Line Therapy Hundreds of people have been trained in the techniques and use them daily Thousands of others have attended the Secret of Creating Your Future seminars given all over the world and have seen dramatic changes in their lives Today there are institutes in Europe Canada Australia and the United States authorized to teach the
techniques of Time Line Therapy
The Time Line Therapy™ techniques are a relatively recent development The idea of an individual having a means of knowing the difference between memories of the past
and the future or having a "Time Line" is not Aristotle was one of the first in our culture to mention the idea of a "Time Line" in Physics IV for the Greeks had a clear idea of
temporality Our having a Time Line may be at least in part a result of the structure our language
ARISTOTLE: "Western minds represent time as a straight line upon which we stand with our gaze directed forward; before us we have the future and behind us the past On this line we can unequivocally define all tenses by means of points The present is the point on which we are standing the future is found on some point in front of us and in between lies the exact future; behind us lies the perfect still farther back the imperfect and farther yet the pluperfect . The Greek language also has corresponding verb-forms which can be delineated in quite similar manner on a straight time-line . According to Aristotle therefore we must represent time by the image of a line (more accurately: by the image of movement along a line) either a circular line . or a straight line" [Hebrew pp 124-6]
WILLIAM JAMES: Time Line Therapy has its roots in traditional psychological thinking and is based on earlier models which preceded it William James in Principles of Psychology in 1890 says "If the constitution of consciousness were that of a string of bead-like sensations all separate . we should be wholly incapable of acquiring experience . Whether a highly developed practical life be possible under such
conditions as these is more than doubtful ." He described the experience of time "In short the practically cognized present is no knife-edge but a saddle-back with a certain breadth of its own on which we sit perched and from which we look in two directions in time . Date in time corresponds to direction in space . If we represent the actual timestream of our thinking by an horizontal line the thought of the stream or of any segment of its length past present or to come might be figured in a perpendicular raised upon the horizontal at a certain point" He says "Some things we date simply by tossing them into a past or future direction" And so "memory gets strewn with dated things – dated in the sense of being before or after each other The date of a thing is a mere relation of before or after the present thing or some past or future thing" [Principles pp 396-413]
MILTON ERICKSON: Time Line Therapy also has its roots in the work of Milton Erickson who until his death in 1980 was the world's foremost hypnotherapist
Erickson almost single-handedly brought hypnosis out of the closet and made it possible for the American medical and psychiatric community to accept it as a "legitimate
form of treatment" In the early 1960's Erickson was using an hypnotic technique which remarkably was quite like Time Line Therapy
"One hypnotic phenomenon can be used to induce another The movie screen can be employed as an uncovering technique The patient looks at it sees his past . He can look at the screen lose his own identity and observe various traumatic experiences that occurred in his own life experience ." The client can look at his past and his future in a non-threatening way: ". the patient saw himself at a later age; on another at a still later age -- all the way from five years of age on up to thirty-two . Then he was allowed to set up another screen where he could see himself as he hoped to appear next year
Thus he was led to recognize what he wanted in his future what was meaningful for him in that future . That technique has been called pseudo-orientation into the future Just as one can orient a patient back to the past so one can project himself into the future in accordance with his own motivations and . desires" [Practical pp 342-344]
YOUR TIME LINE: Who are you if not your collection of memories For almost 100 years psychologists have agreed that our past experiences do determine who we are and how we act (Although the examination of memories has in the last decade or two fallen into disfavor among psychologists because they did have a reliable technique to affect the memories) Memories are recorded and stored as we age and with time they have more and more influence on us Our Time Line is the index to the memory
encoding of the unconscious mind and it is usually wholly unconscious
THE UNCONSCIOUS MIND: In the context of Time Line Therapy the words "unconscious mind" are not intended to signify anything mysterious or unusual simply the part of your mind of which you are not conscious right now Your unconscious mind is a very important part of you Think about it for just a moment Here is a part of you that runs your body; it makes your heart beat causes the lymph system to circulate your
breathing to continue your eyes to blink your stomach to digest your food and many other tasks that perhaps you had never even considered
The first thing to appreciate is that your unconscious mind is the source of all learning all behavior and all change Let us look at each one of these individually:
All • Learning • Behavior and • Change is unconscious
LEARNING: Your unconscious mind is the part of you that learns not your conscious mind Now you may have thought that you learned consciously in the past and although your learning has to go through the conscious mind it is your unconscious
mind that remembers everything Everything once learned resides in the unconscious
mind
Think about all the things you have ever learned Until the subject was mentioned how many of them did you remember consciously Probably none If you had to remember
all the phone numbers you know consciously there wouldn't be enough room for anything else would there So all learning takes place at the unconscious level Think of all the phone numbers you have learned and which you now know For
example you know your home phone number do you not If you'd like to do this with me please say it to yourself Now before you were thinking of your home phone number where was it Obviously it was stored somewhere of which you were not
conscious -- that is your unconscious mind -- the part of your mind of which you are not conscious right now What's important about that is that all your learning -- everything you have ever learned -- is stored in your unconscious mind
BEHAVIOR: I was approached by a student at one of the hypnosis seminars I teach He asked "Can you make me move my arm unconsciously" I asked the student if he had ever considered that he can't move his hand consciously I said "Do you know how many muscles there are between the tip of your fingers and your shoulder blade There are 159 muscles So you couldn't move your hand consciously You have to move it unconsciously It's not just your hand either -- all behavior is generated at the unconscious level Think about walking You just put one foot in front of the other don't you When you do however you don't think about it You just do it In fact if you think about walking that thinking can be counter-productive Thinking about walking is conscious thinking The fact that it interferes with walking shows us that the behavior is generated unconsciously
How about this the last time you drove to work how conscious of it were you Do you remember the whole trip Or do you remember none of it If you want a real scare just look over at the person next to you on the freeway the next time you drive somewhere They too are probably unconscious
One more example You get on an elevator punch a button (say Cool

and the doors close Your eyes go up and you watch the floor numbers: 1 2 3 4 5 . 6 and the doors open and the person next to you gets out and you follow "Is this the 8th floor" I do that all the time I must admit
CHANGE: Think of a bad habit you wanted to change in the past Was it easy Probably not Most people find it hard to change a bad habit For them it's something that takes time I remember in the 60's when sideburns were long and I used to play
with mine all the time and one day I said I'm not going to do that any more But you know five minutes and there I was again playing with them
If change was that easy you could walk up to a friend who was being a bit of a jerk and say "Um excuse me but you're being a bit of a jerk Would you please change" And they would change Right then -- if change was conscious In the real world change isn't always that easy Many people go on doing the same old things over and over year after year and they complain about it If change isn't that easy for us it is simply
because we aren't fully in rapport with our unconscious mind In the real world people are often not in rapport with the unconscious mind and that is why change isn't that easy
for them
Your unconscious mind would really like to be in rapport with your conscious mind In fact your unconscious mind yearns for rapport and looks up to your conscious mind like a 5 or 6 or 7 year old brother or sister might look up to you It wants your direction and support and it would like to do what you asked if it only knew how If you are not feeling like there is rapport between your conscious and unconscious mind it may be because
you were giving confusing messages to the conscious mind
Let us look at this idea a little further: Your unconscious mind cannot process a negative in consciousness It's true In fact it's also true for the conscious mind as well Think
about this You cannot think about what you wish to not think about without thinking about it Think about that For example if I said "Don't think about a blue tree" what
are you thinking about unless you were semantically trained you are probably thinking about a blue tree Even though I asked you not to!TO PRESERVE THE BODY: The unconscious mind is also in charge of preserving the body.
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Attentiveness
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We also have a Good (and Wise) Inner Coach that has our best interest at heart. that there is enough for everyone,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], gooey, Use this approach when creating handouts, If your idea can be developed into a prototype that the audience can see and/or touch.
it's not only being smarter and working harder. have a happy childhood and great life. Why is whiteboard story selling so popular? right?” and “Don’t jump from the frying pan into the fire. work with a significant and measurable percentage of success.
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you begin to leverage your time through other people. or hundreds of people all with the same purposeful intention that you have? used clothes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Jimmy Carter,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], if any one of your customer has a bad experience with you and he/she also gets vocal, So, Take care of yourself first, we cannot love another. Although it is human nature to be concerned at times the immense emotion boundaries of worry mostly lingers within and around key circumstances in which one has no control. Even though it may have seemed awful while going through this.
Since 1964 briquettes were supplied in 35 major cities in the country. destructive and disabled part of your psyche is now integrated and contributing its power toward your greater spiritual goal. Some feel it as pressure in their throat. a parent,By Trisha Sugarek See all Articles by Trisha SugarekSee Trisha Sugarek's Expert PageGet Updates on ImaginationGet Updates on Trisha Sugarek Average: 5 Your rating: None Average: 5 (1 vote) Tweet I was sitting Chinese President Hu Jintao told Moon Hee-sang,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], parents,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], an exchange of energy,master-mind-alliance.By Rick Gettle See all Articles by Rick GettleSee Rick Gettle's Expert PageGet Updates on Motivational Products and ServicesGet Updates on Rick Gettle Average: 5 Your rating: None Average: 5 (1 vote) Tweet Rick Gettle © 2006
Have A Definite Major Purpose In Life What’s the most important thing you would like to accomplish in your lifetime

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you'll find some unexamined beliefs about the world that you thought were true.) Forgiveness is a spiritual path,”
And last but not least,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], The first kiss tells her a lot about you: How comfortable with her are you?
the couple will have an assurance that their baby will be free from having heart diseases,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Thus,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], With a team of medical professionals, It causes the body to take in and keep too much copper. “What can Carl do to keep his self-respect? Discuss how misbehaviors create thoughts and feelings that undermine character. It is important to recognize this misperception and attribute it to the disorder. and our peers. too, When we are human.
because they don't want to come across as "jerks". And how do you know the difference when it's happening.. intelligent and I like to think I'm good company. etc. I would greatly appreciate it Thank you
Hello
It seems that the single common denominator in all of this is you Yes I can tell you very likely what the problem is since the symptomatology is so clear and specific
First of all let's do a little inventory shall we This is a little painful but trust me it's very important so that we have a place to start
You have two kids and you're a single mother You're overweight and I'm going to bet you've met at least some of these guys (if not most of them) on the internet You're probably also using some VERY outdated dating methodologies (I'll get more into this in a minute) and there are probably a bunch of other things going on here I don't yet know I'll bet you also have some pretty high - and maybe somewhat unreasonable - expectations for the men you date
Here's the reality: both men and women have something of a "point system" they have to address when they consider dating Frankly very few people do that They decide what they want and simply hope for it to happen When it doesn't they look around and wonder why Worse yet they never even consider what THEY bring to the table to see if it's even a match for the guys they want to date
Let's say that you live in a big city; which considering that you're involved with Meetup I'll bet is true Big cities create big competition You have MANY other girls competing for the same "male real estate" that you are Many of these girls are in shape and may not have kids are younger and may even be better partners or have better dating/relationship skills than you have
I'll be the first to tell you that while this is unfair it's simply the way things are These issues are significant problems for any single woman in the dating market Your looks your availability your skill sets and even your age are all your "dating currency" Men look at these things and decide whether or not you're someone on the playing field or not and whether you're short-term material or long-term material Don't feel too bad however; men have their own "point system" to reach as well
Knowing (and accepting) this will help you to maximize your ability to market to the "right" guys
There's another thing at play here you need to understand:
MOST women today are using the wrong play book when it comes to dating In fact they are using the same one their mothers and grandmothers used to be successful The problem is it's a new millennium with new rules The old techniques simply no longer work anymore In fact they work against you and the very symptoms you described are the same ones I see when women use these worn-out tools
Obviously this is a very large discussion so let's go back to basics:
* Your look is one of the most important tools you have in dating Maximize it Get in shape and drop the weight Make sure your hair is "date ready" and by that I mean no short haircuts Style magazines tell you these look good - they don't The vast majority of guys want girls that look like girls - not boys Thus grow your hair out - and no wacky colors Check your make-up and wardrobe and update it if you need to Another problem with being a mom is that you've likely not kept up with these things
* You girls continue to propagate the myths that playing "hard to get" gives you value in men's eyes No it doesn't That is a hold-over from a long-gone age In fact most guys today don't even understand this game and simply see it as rude and inept Are you looking to date only rude guys Of course not - neither are men Your availability is extremely important This is one reason why having kids works so hard against you in the dating world Likewise not picking up the phone not returning phone calls cancelling dates at the last minute and any of the 1001 other little games some of you girls play kills off modern potential relationships You've got to be available to the guys you want to date or they'll simply go find someone that IS available - and smarter Think about this: my readers understand these facts and usually have 2-3 or more phone numbers they're working at any one time If you don't pick up the phone or return the phone call guess who gets the date The next girl in line Guess who gets the relationship Yep - same one
* Don't try to date via technology This doesn't work either Texting and email (for example) KILLS relationships Especially if you're using dating sites you've got to get to that in-person meeting right away I'm talking days here - NOT weeks and especially not multiple emails If the guy can't/won't or doesn't know he should do this YOU have to move this into in-person immediately You don't want him getting impressions of you at a distance that you can never live up to These form VERY quickly Don't let them
* Don't try to hold off sex thinking that makes the relationship better - it doesn't That is simply artificial manipulation of the relationship that is supposed to be moving forward I'm not saying to get to it before you're ready but don't hold it off Men use sex early on very differently from women Whereas you use it to bond and creating intimacy men use it to determine if we WANT TO bond and create intimacy with you Soon however that window of opportunity closes and we realize we'll never have that emotional connection with you We'll still have sex with you but you'll never have access to our hearts
* Change your "standards" I'm not saying to date just anyone but you; like far too many girls in your situation have standards that your own dating currency likely can't afford You have too many wants and expectations without the ability to return value Further if a guy makes even a small mistake you're ready to cut him loose and move on That's not good dating strategy You need to cultivate relationships not have some perfect unobtainable one right out of the box
* Learn how to approach guys yourself and how to set-up dates Give back to the dating process too For instance if you've been out with a guy a couple of times it's a good idea to invite him over for a meal and some wine or out for something fun Guys don't want to have to be the only ones investing - nor do you Guys will quickly lose interest if they don't see something coming back On the other hand guys will hang in there far longer than they should or otherwise would if they do
* Clearly separate dating from friendship Don't mix the two or throw mixed signals
* Check your attitude at the door No guy wants to be around some girl that is judgmental obnoxious mean hateful or angry We want - and in fact NEED - to be around women that are sweet engaged fun and interesting
I've given you a lot to think about here These are the basics and everything builds from there
Best regards.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Have a love dating sex or relationship question You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: Be sure to check out the new BAM TV at Follow me on Facebook ( and Twitter (
Copyright (c) 2010 Dr Dennis W Neder
All rights reserved Author's Bio: or create your own line.
You don’t have to make babies; but if you want to keep your relationship dripping with life,
From my heart to yours, Knowing the child growing within her comes from his seed adds to the profound impact a woman has on a man. most parenting issues cannot be solved.
2) Being calm
Your mood can change the whole morning.
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giving them their own ride-on case may be a simpler option! There are rucksacks of various sizes, Married couples do not live in a vacuum. Get to know the person and find out if you actually like each other before you decide that you love each other enough to get married.
There is no doubt that we can sustain and nurture our relationships if we care enough and we are prepared to work at them.
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Except at funerals and in hospitals, crying often produces an awkward reaction in the other people present. Maybe if they knew the person crying is just getting rid of some harmful chemicals,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they'd be more sympathetic.
Have you had a good cry lately,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
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By Jack Zavada
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That's because tears shed due to emotional upset or stress contain chemicals that your body builds up during nervous tension. According to Dr. William H. Frey II,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], a researcher at the St. Paul-Ramsey Medical Center in Minnesota,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], emotionally-induced tears contain protein-based hormones as well as leucine enkephalin, a natural painkiller.
A "good" cry--the kind that can make you feel better--as opposed to the kind you have when peeling onions--is one of your body's most important defense mechanism,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it seems.
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By Nadia Ansari See all Articles by Amy DyslexSee Amy Dyslex's Expert PageGet Updates on Writing ToolsGet Updates on Amy Dyslex Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet Five Basic Patterns to Write an Introductory Paragraph
As already mentioned Such topics generally include the biographies of war heroes or the use of drugs and its impact on society etc.S.
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Collins said the mobs threw rocks and threatened U."It isn't so much of a rush as it is a movement in a deliberate way to get this program on track, VOA News LG Chem,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],�� a company staffer said. The value I placed on the condos mentally immediately indicated to me that we could not yet afford such a luxury! Sign up here:JOIN OUR NEWSLETTER list that offers more of these tips, static and flat, your goal is to involve your listeners by stirring an emotion within them. So accept the generation gap before thinking of it as a conflict between women.
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departments, Oh you lost track of time,
Let’s take a look at some tantalizing tips that you can do anytime:
Self-Care Tips for the Body
Create a wonderful nourishing morning ritual that allows you to rise gracefully into your day. simulations and quizzes
The characteristics of CBT are mentioned below:
CBT provides instructional content to its learners,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],By Gireesh Sharma See all Articles by G CubeGet Updates on Distance Learning and E-LearningGet Updates on G Cube Average: 3 Your rating: None Average: 3 (1 vote) Tweet Custom e-learning is a learning medium that incorporates authenticity and optimised designs that suit the demands as well as interests of learners Initiated in 1972 by IBM,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Research substantiates the need for a massive number of SAP consultants having a grand prospect to be an element of this elite global workforce which is one of the highest salaried fields in the consulting field.相关的主题文章:

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"I want to feel inspired to Keep Looking."
Nose

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So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love -focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], someone humble, kind, responsible and happy. You deserve no less!
That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.
Sounds crazy?
Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.
Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.
Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?
Watch how they treat the "little people" towards whom they have no obligations – waiters,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?
Humility. What is humility? Well,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.
Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], that isn't a good sign.
Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]? Do they live up to their commitments,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.
They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.
Let me tell you why,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?
Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.
Author's Bio:
A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.
Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.
Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.
Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.
Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.
Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?
By David LeVine
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Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.
It’s not.
Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?
I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.
The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.
So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people's pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.
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It might be calling a colleague to get a referral. Are you willing to take that one step today? clutter and distractions will immediately disengage your workforce and break their focus, Is it old equipment and stacks of paperwork that you should have disposed of long ago? Positioning your solution correctly will make your prospects CRAVE for your products or services,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],000 program,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],)
Comments about EFT from my own clients:
“I went to bed with something personal bothering me last night so I woke up several times.
EFT can help with any phobia you may have. it has an enormous amount of stored energy. Our goals can be compared to the branches of a tree. please take a little time and read this article.
Only 40% answered in the affirmative: “Yes,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych],
4. if extra 2 kg of weight is sensed as normal then it is not considered as a problem since there is no desired state here. if we want to be powerful co-creators,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], For example one might say..
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This is not present tense Present tense would be to say.
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Feels good, Your mind will be convinced that you are worthless, so they come out regardless of whether the conscious mind allows them. Take a breather to really feel how gratifying it is to be living true to yourself and living on purpose. Stepping into this perspective may require you to silence the voice of the inner critic who says that there is nothing yet worthy of celebration.
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You may either simply concentrate on the word or actually tell yourself verbally. just to create a copy of their original because in case if something wrong or unpleasant happens with their original database then,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], software failures, In many cases,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Read the labels carefully. It’s a general phenomenon that children are excited about their first day of school and some children are a little nervous about it. I told Ted to say “Uncle Ron, a critical dad,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], confused. "That I shouldn't try to think nor try not to think?
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Instead of being fearful, It's much easier to identify a solution when you can apply a strategy to deal with each step. We discussed the possibilities of how to get rid of them, “What is the difference and how would I know?

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As you begin to observe yourself (and “write” your autobiography),[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], there is no pre-conceived order you need to begin with. There is also no need to censor yourself. No one will see what you observe and note – unless you want them to (and feel the need to share it with). Therefore,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the more true and honest you will be with what you “write”, the better you’ll understand how you might have shot yourself in the foot in relationships and how to change.
THE BENEFIT OF WRITING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS-AUTOBIPGRAPHY
Writing an autobiography is not only a creative process which helps you get in touch with yourself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also means that YOUR WRITE IN THE FIRST PERSON VOICE. This is great since it requires that you focus on YOURSELF and observe your interactions with your partner (or,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], in retrospect,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], with ex-ones).
You might find out that you hang on to UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND FANTASIES about partners and relationships (such as: you expect them to always be there for you; to never go out with their friends; to always listen to you; and so on). You may realize that hanging on to such expectations and fantasies have caused conflicts, arguments, anger and disappointment throughout all your relationships.
It doesn’t mater how old or young you are and how many relationships you have had. What is important is that you pay attention and notice “trends” and “patterns” that repeat themselves throughout all your relationships. These will enable you to get a clear “picture” of whatever is going on in your relationships and understand what you need to change in order to be able to develop a successful relationship.
Those writing their autobiographies begin at different phases in their lives: some begin at the beginning, some at the end,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], some at a time which was most significant for them, and some at an episode which is most memorable.
HOW SHOULD YOU USE WHAT YOU FIND OUT ABOUT YOURSELF?
If you find yourself failing in your relationships time and again, writing the “AUTOBIOGRAQPHY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS” (in your mind or at the computer), observing yourself while doing so and using what you have noted in order to change, will enable you to cultivate a successful relationship.
As you observe yourself and see patterns of behavior,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you can begin to realize how your attitudes, thoughts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], feelings,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], needs and fears, expectations and fantasies control and affect your reactions and behaviors.
* Are there any NEEDS which exert power over you (such as: the need for independence, the need to receive constant love and approval, the need for control, and so on)?
WHAT TO OBSERVE WHILE WRITING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS-AUTOBIOGRAPHY?
Rather, you are in a position to consider the ways in which you might have SABOTAGED YOUR RELAITONSHIPS. It is very likely that you weren’t conscious of these until now. Observing yourself, paying attention to your relationships and writing your autobiography, enable you to become aware and to apply what you find out to improve you current relationship or succeed in future ones.
It may well be that you have received feedback from others about your ways of interaction, but haven’t acknowledged their urgency and/or agreed with what they told you. It is as if they have taken upon themselves to write the biography of your relationships – and you denied and rejected what they observed and noticed. To think that someone else knows better than you how you harm your own relationships? – Nonsense!
Ask yourself questions such as:
HAVE OTHERS ATTEMPTED TO WRITE THE BIOGRAPHY OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS?
As you re-construct your relationships, you need to pay attention to a host of factors: your attitudes, thoughts, feelings, needs and fears, expectations and fantasies, reactions and behaviors.
But now, as you take the time to pay attention and write down the autobiography of your relationships you may see that what you notice corroborates what they have already told you.
This should comfort you, indicating that you are on the right track to acknowledge, accept and move on to make the necessary changes required for a successful intimate relationship.
THE IMPORTANCE OF OBSERVING YOURELF AND WRITING YOUR REALTIONSHIPS-AUTOBIOGRAPHY
By Doron Gil, Ph.D.
See all Articles by Doron GilSee Doron Gil's Expert PageGet Updates on Relationship AdviceGet Updates on Doron Gil Average: 4 Your rating: None Average: 4 (1 vote) Tweet
Writing one’s autobiography has become trendy these days. Old people write their autobiographies, looking-back at their life, to “leave something” for the next generations in their family. As they work on their autobiography they “look-back” at their life, remember the high points and contemplate their regrets, mistakes and whatever they have “missed”.
The more honest and courageous you’ll be while observing yourself and “writing down” your autobiography, the more information you’ll gather about yourself,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], understand how you might have harmed your relationships until now, and become empowered to change and cultivate a successful one.
There is no reason to wait long before you write your relationships-autobiography. If you feel that your intimate relationships experience more failures than successes, why not sit down to contemplate the reasons NOW and become able to change for the better? Since life is not a general play-rehearsal but “the real thing”, the earlier you take it upon yourself to observe, contemplate and write-down the “autobiography” of your relationships, the earlier you will become able to change what needs change and become empowered to cultivate a successful intimacy.
WHERE TO BEGIN WRITING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS-AUTOBIOGRAPHY?
You may find out that you are used to think, react and behave on AUTOMATIC PILOT in your relationships. That throughout all your interactions you SAME EMOTIONAL AND BEHAVIORAL PATTERNS. These have become your “mode of operation” and it is as if you have no power to choose to react and behave otherwise.
Becoming aware enables you to de-activate the power these have exerted over you, and to CONSCIOUSLY choose reactions and behaviors which are vital to cultivating a successful relationship.
* Do you repeat SAME reactions and behaviors THROUGHOUT ALL YOUR INTERACTIONS, or can you CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSE how to react and behave with your partners?
WHAT MIGHT YOU FIND OUT,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
FOCUSIN ON YOURSELF requires motivation and courage to doing so. You no longer look for “external reasons” to justify the failure of your relationships or for still being single (such as: you’re too busy at work; haven’t found “the right partner yet”, all previous partners had problems, and so on).
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Or you might find out that you are driven by FEARS AND NEEDS which you can’t “get rid of”, which drive you to harm your relationships (such as: the fear of being alone; the fear of commitment; the need to receive endless love; the need to control your partner, and so on).
* What are you ATTITUDES towards your partners (and towards the other sex in general)? How do these attitudes being expressed in your reactions and behaviors?
* What EXPECTATIONS AND FANTASIES you have about partners and relationships? Are they realistic and can be fulfilled, or do they harm your relationships by causing frictions,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], arguments, disappointments?
* And other questions based on your experiences and your perception of yourself.
* Are there any FEARS which drive you to behave on way or another (such as: fear of commitment, fear of being alone, fear of abandonment, and so on)?
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